Wednesday, August 19, 2009

My Simple God

I used to believe it all. The whole Adam and Eve, Jesus rose from the dead story. I took communion, attended Bible study. I wore suits and my Mom slicked back my hair every Sunday, as if God himself was going to come down and judge my appearance.

But I grew up, and it dawned on me that all of my other childhood fantasies had ceased to exist. What could explain a fat ass from the north pole? How about a giant rabbit hellbent on giving me cavities? And so, I looked around me, and I saw the reason. I saw why my peers had been attending Sunday school all these years. These girls surely did look amazing in their sun dresses.

Hell, I was introduced to all types of things on church "retreats." I found drugs to be the best at the time. We would sneak pills and weed into our bags, and head to the mountains of North Carolina for a weekend with God. And so I progressed. Drugs were my god. I found much more peace in them than arguments with the Sunday School Teacher. But God, as drugs, is like mass production. I was consuming them to feel like him. And then I couldn't live with out him. So I quit drugs, and desperately searched for a new god.

I soon settled into the idea that God is my independence. That I could make my own decisions and live by my own will. That my actions were mine to deal with. It was here that I felt some resemblance of truth for the first time. I couldn't believe the simplicity of the idea at first.

I now believe in the pursuit of God as a state of mind. One of wholesome, modest goodness. I believe that when we achieve that state, we are God and vice versa. I do not feel this way to empower myself as some grandiose being. I feel this way because it's really what we are all striving to be like anyways.

God is imagination, and the ability to create beauty. God is not separate from my own being. And as this universe is made up of imagination and creation, I have concluded that God is everyone and everyone is God, both separately and collectively.

1 comment:

  1. I keep checking back for the next post! I loved this one! Write more!